Sourced with thanks from lifehack.org
You must have been married for many years by now. Even so, it’s quite possible that you find yourself nagging your spouse on a routine basis on so many routine things. And you know that neither of you are happy to be in that position. You may actually be just asking for stuff to be done but it may be appearing to be nagging the way you go about it. What can you do to help stop the constant nagging or what appears to be nagging? The author, in the article below, shares a few thoughts on how things could be better on the nagging front. Team RetyrSmart
How to avoid nagging and communicate better with your spouse?
- Watch Your Words
It’s natural to feel exasperated if you feel your spouse isn’t pulling their weight around the house, but the last thing you want to do is put your partner on the defensive. How can you avoid this? Simply put, listen to the way you’re asking your partner for help.
Your words and the way you make requests of your spouse matter. Instead of making them feel guilty or belittled, phrase it in a way that makes them feel good.
“I would really appreciate your help with…”
“It always makes me feel good when…”
“You’re my hero when you…”
The above openers are great conversation starters.
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- Don’t Believe in Mind Reading
Men and women have a terrible habit of believing that, after a time, their spouse knows them so well that they should be able to understand what they want without ever having to tell them. This is a cute thought but rarely is it ever true.
Any marriage therapist will tell you that your spouse cannot read your mind. If you need something from them, you need to learn to ask for it.
You can start by sending out little cues that you want X or Y, but if they don’t catch on by the time you get to Z, it’s time to start communicating with your words.
Not only does this save your spouse from playing a guessing game, but it also saves you a lot of frustration.
- Make It a Shared Decision
One way to stop nagging and start being proactive is by getting your partner involved.
Problem-solving isn’t something you should do on your own. When you are married or in a serious relationship, you are partners, not parents to each other.
What your job isn’t: Mummying your spouse and telling them what to do.
What your job is: To come together as a couple and work at healthy conflict resolution. Identify the problem you’re having in a kind and respectful manner and then ask your partner to weigh in on how to resolve the conflict at hand.
The keys to great problem-solving are empathy, communication, and listening to each other.
- Get Your Partner to Hear You
No partner wants to be a nag, and the argument could be made that if the spouse or child did what they asked the first time, they wouldn’t have to keep bringing it up, which effectively stops nagging.
A fair point!
But harping at people doesn’t usually get the job done – so how DO you get someone to listen without nagging them?
The best way to get your partner to listen to you and avoid ending up in a marriage course for couples on the brink of destruction is to get them to see things from your perspective. Relate your situation to something they can understand.
- Do It Yourself, If Possible
As they say, “If you want something done right, do it yourself.”
To decrease nagging, ask yourself whether what you’re about to say is worth getting upset over and whether it’s worth taking the task into your own hands.
Sure, it’d be nice if your spouse refilled the compost bag so you don’t have to do it, but the next time you’re getting ready to nag about it, ask yourself: Is a compost bag worth starting World War III over?
If you want to break the cycle of nagging without ending up in the office of a marriage therapist, you need to learn how to rephrase your requests. Speak respectfully and work on building empathy in your relationship.
Communication is key to any relationship, and it’s especially more important for partners. Sometimes, a person may feel like they’re communicating properly, unaware that their partner is already hearing them nagging. These tips will help you stop nagging and communicate better with your partner.